BoobsEvery year I buy a t-shirt from Glassons that supports Breast Cancer Research (for every t-shirt sold, $10 goes to Breast Cancer Research).
The t-shirts are funky and designed by well known designers such as Trelise Cooper, Zambesi, Karen Walker, Kate Sylvester, Huffer etc. They also go from size NZ 8-20, which is great.
This year, I decided I would buy the one designed by Zambesi so I tootled off to Glassons to make my purchase. I grabbed my size (NZ12) and headed to the changing room to see what it looked like on.
It was so bloody tight that I could hardly get it over my head, let alone over my boobs! (I have big boobs LOL). Weird. I usually wear Glassons size 12. So, I ask the assistant for a 14. But no, it doesn't fit either. In fact, the fit is awful. Too short, too tight across the chest, yet loose under the bust. I tried on the 16, just to make sure it was the fit and not the size and yep. I was correct. For some reason, this year the t-shirts don't fit right on me.
It seems they were made for midgets. Or people with really short waists. Or people who like crop tops. The other times I have purchased a size 12 Glassons Breast Cancer t-shirt it fitted perfectly, but this year they don't. And no, I haven't porked up or anything LOL.
I'm bummed out now.
Having big tits is such a pain in the arse sometimes.
Tart at 11:34 AM |Friday, January 27, 2006
I catch the bus to and from work everyday.
The Island Bay/Railway Station 01. (Just like one below - it's a trolley bus, runs on electricity).
Lately, people on the bus have been pissing me off no end! Do people not have any sort of public awareness or self censorship these days? You would not believe what they talk about on the bus. And not quietly either. Oh no. They have to talk loudly and annoy the rest of the bus passengers.
This past week I have heard the following:
The Island Bay/Railway Station 01. (Just like one below - it's a trolley bus, runs on electricity).
Lately, people on the bus have been pissing me off no end! Do people not have any sort of public awareness or self censorship these days? You would not believe what they talk about on the bus. And not quietly either. Oh no. They have to talk loudly and annoy the rest of the bus passengers.
This past week I have heard the following:
- Two teenage girls talking about how good they are at giving blow jobs
- How the vaginal itching could be thrush from the woman sitting behind me
- About the microchipping of Blue Ducks in Te Anau (and the pros and cons of placing the chip in the neck or the chest)
- A woman talking (loudly) on a cellphone about how she's going to break up with her boyfriend because she's moving back to London and doesn't want a long distance relationship
- How much alcohol Michael had to drink last night at The Tasting Room
- Several theories about the TV show Lost
- A detailed description about a woman's Pap smear appointment
- That Jordan is a slut ("she like, has like, slept with like, all of Year 12")
You know, I don't expect people to remain mute on their commute (ha!) but at least have some sort of realisation that you are in a confined space with 50 other people and that they probably don't want to hear about that time you shagged Angela on her parents bed.
A bit of common courtesy people! Oh and perhaps an "inside" voice.
Fucktards.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I'm counting down the days, the minutes, even the bloody seconds until 16 February 2006.
What's so special about the 16 February?
Well, the yachts in the Volvo Ocean Race are expected to arrive from the Melbourne leg. Again, what's so special about that?
Well, there is talk that Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom will be part of the crew onboard the Pirates of the Caribbean boat as they sail from Melbourne. This is of course, as part of their promotion for the second Pirates film.
Johnny Depp.
In Wellington.
287 meters from my office.
All I have to do is:
Ah, so simple really now that I think about it.
What's so special about the 16 February?
Well, the yachts in the Volvo Ocean Race are expected to arrive from the Melbourne leg. Again, what's so special about that?
Well, there is talk that Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom will be part of the crew onboard the Pirates of the Caribbean boat as they sail from Melbourne. This is of course, as part of their promotion for the second Pirates film.
Johnny Depp.
In Wellington.
287 meters from my office.
All I have to do is:
- Find Johnny
- Be whisked away to Paris
- Get him to dump his scrawny French girlfriend and mother to his two children
- Have him fall madly in love with me
Ah, so simple really now that I think about it.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I have a confession. I haven't admitted this to anyone, but I like boy bands.
Yes. That's right. Boy bands.
Not just any boy bands though, only the British ones LOL. And not just pop boy bands either, some of these groups did rap, hip hop, dance stuff.
It started with Take That (Robbie Williams was in this group), lead onto Boyzone, then East 17. Then it was Another Level (who can forget such classic lyrics as "Let me lick you up and down, til you say stop. Let me play with your body baby, make you real hot".)
After that came 5ive, A1, Westlife (Irish, talented and so cute. Oh, did I mention that they were Irish?), Blue (Duncan *sigh*, Simon *sigh*) and then Busted. But, since about 2001 (funnily enough, the same time I left London) I've not really found any new boy bands that take my fancy LOL.
I have at least one CD from each group (hidden in Tori Amos/PJ Harvey/Beth Orton/Shawn Colvin/Sarah McLachlan CD cover/holders, as the BF won't ever look in there LOL.
It's quite freeing, this confessing LOL.
Yes. That's right. Boy bands.
Not just any boy bands though, only the British ones LOL. And not just pop boy bands either, some of these groups did rap, hip hop, dance stuff.
It started with Take That (Robbie Williams was in this group), lead onto Boyzone, then East 17. Then it was Another Level (who can forget such classic lyrics as "Let me lick you up and down, til you say stop. Let me play with your body baby, make you real hot".)
After that came 5ive, A1, Westlife (Irish, talented and so cute. Oh, did I mention that they were Irish?), Blue (Duncan *sigh*, Simon *sigh*) and then Busted. But, since about 2001 (funnily enough, the same time I left London) I've not really found any new boy bands that take my fancy LOL.
I have at least one CD from each group (hidden in Tori Amos/PJ Harvey/Beth Orton/Shawn Colvin/Sarah McLachlan CD cover/holders, as the BF won't ever look in there LOL.
It's quite freeing, this confessing LOL.
Friday, January 20, 2006
This weekend, the city will be teaming with young & hip skaters, BMXers and skateboarders for the Vodafone X*AIR and the BF and I are going to check it out on Saturday & Sunday. Yeah. Sometimes I think I'm dating a 14 year old.
We went last year to see a few events (street BMX, skateboard 1/2 pipe and water jump) and I felt like the oldest person there. Though the BF kindly pointed out that Tony Hawk was indeed older than me. That didn't really make me feel any better though. Funny that LOL.
Anyway, I'm sure it'll be good fun. Though I'm not sure how high my tolerance is for low slung skater shorts showing the boxers underneath. I keep wondering how they can skate/BMX with their pants down their arses!
*****************************************************
Da plane, da plane.**
Before we check out any of the X*AIR stuff, I'm accompanying the BF to get his tattoo. He claims he'll get a skull with a dagger and rose through it, or maybe an anchor with "Mum" scrawled across it. I keep saying "it's your body, get want you like" but really thinking you wouldn't dare get anything so tacky etched into your arm. My sister's partner has designed a couple of pieces for him (bro-in-law is quite talented artist, designed his own tats which look very cool), but whether or not he uses them I don't know.
I think he's worried about the pain aspect, as he keeps asking me if my tattoo was painful (top of right foot, and no, it wasn't painful at all) LOL.
Big wuss.
But the best thing about this weekend, is that Monday is a holiday! But only for this region, the rest of the country has to go to work. Bahahahaha!
*Skater Boy
**Tattoo (geddit?), Fantasy Island
We went last year to see a few events (street BMX, skateboard 1/2 pipe and water jump) and I felt like the oldest person there. Though the BF kindly pointed out that Tony Hawk was indeed older than me. That didn't really make me feel any better though. Funny that LOL.
Anyway, I'm sure it'll be good fun. Though I'm not sure how high my tolerance is for low slung skater shorts showing the boxers underneath. I keep wondering how they can skate/BMX with their pants down their arses!
*****************************************************
Da plane, da plane.**
Before we check out any of the X*AIR stuff, I'm accompanying the BF to get his tattoo. He claims he'll get a skull with a dagger and rose through it, or maybe an anchor with "Mum" scrawled across it. I keep saying "it's your body, get want you like" but really thinking you wouldn't dare get anything so tacky etched into your arm. My sister's partner has designed a couple of pieces for him (bro-in-law is quite talented artist, designed his own tats which look very cool), but whether or not he uses them I don't know.
I think he's worried about the pain aspect, as he keeps asking me if my tattoo was painful (top of right foot, and no, it wasn't painful at all) LOL.
Big wuss.
But the best thing about this weekend, is that Monday is a holiday! But only for this region, the rest of the country has to go to work. Bahahahaha!
*Skater Boy
**Tattoo (geddit?), Fantasy Island
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Yesterday, I wagged* work with the bf. He's been a bit cranky lately, so we thought we'd go to the beach for the day, to spend some time together, chill out and hopefully, get the bf feeling uncranky.
We packed the car (him: surfboard x 2, bodyboard, fins, snorkle, mask, wetsuit, rash top, boardies x 2, sunglasses, cap, clothes; me: sunblock, sunhat, food, water, book. And they say women can't pack light!) and were out of the city heading up the coast.
The day was scorchio and there were a few people on the beach (it's still school holidays). It was a really good day. We had a lot of fun. I am still a crap surfer. I swear, I am going to stand up if it kills me (or more likely, breaks my nose).
My favourite part of the day though, was watching the bf surf from the beach. I wish I had a camera to capture him walking out of the water, barechested, low slung boardies and his surfboard under his arm. I kinda forget that he is quite the hunk LOL. I stared at him as he walked towards me. I'm sure my mouth was open the entire time too.
Because I have a lovely mental picture now (mmmmm), I thought I wouldn't deprive some of you so, without further ado, please welcome the...
Hunks in Trunks
David Beckham
Matthew McConnaughey
Ryan Philippe
Stephen Dorff
LL Cool J
No need to thank me LOL
*wagged = kiwi slang for being a truant.
We packed the car (him: surfboard x 2, bodyboard, fins, snorkle, mask, wetsuit, rash top, boardies x 2, sunglasses, cap, clothes; me: sunblock, sunhat, food, water, book. And they say women can't pack light!) and were out of the city heading up the coast.
The day was scorchio and there were a few people on the beach (it's still school holidays). It was a really good day. We had a lot of fun. I am still a crap surfer. I swear, I am going to stand up if it kills me (or more likely, breaks my nose).
My favourite part of the day though, was watching the bf surf from the beach. I wish I had a camera to capture him walking out of the water, barechested, low slung boardies and his surfboard under his arm. I kinda forget that he is quite the hunk LOL. I stared at him as he walked towards me. I'm sure my mouth was open the entire time too.
Because I have a lovely mental picture now (mmmmm), I thought I wouldn't deprive some of you so, without further ado, please welcome the...
David Beckham
Matthew McConnaughey
Ryan Philippe
Stephen Dorff
LL Cool J
No need to thank me LOL
*wagged = kiwi slang for being a truant.
Friday, January 13, 2006
I have an extreme rubber fetish.
Rubber Havaiana's that is.
They are the best freaking jandals (flip flops/thongs/whatever you call them) ever.
Seriously.
I know it's just a jandal (how many times have I heard that from non-jandal wearers), but these are the freaking Ferrari, nay, Rolls Royce of jandals.
So damn comfortable that I live in them. If I could wear them to work I would LOL.
I have 5 pairs now - black, yellow, white with the Brazilian flag on the strap, turquoise and pink. I'm thinking I'll get another pair, maybe in brown.
I feel so sorry for this woman.
Imagine having Anna "Nuclear" Wintour as your mother-in-law!
At first it'd be great, imagine all the cool clothes, shoes and connections the editor of US Vogue could provide. (The bride wore an Alberta Ferretti dress after Ms Wintour took her to Milan Fashion week to chose a wedding dress).
But then imagine the shit you'd have to go through to sustain the relationship (remember now folks, ol' Nuclear Wintour hates fat people, so don't you dare pile on the pounds and go up to a size 2!).
Poor girl.
Rubber Havaiana's that is.
They are the best freaking jandals (flip flops/thongs/whatever you call them) ever.
Seriously.
I know it's just a jandal (how many times have I heard that from non-jandal wearers), but these are the freaking Ferrari, nay, Rolls Royce of jandals.
So damn comfortable that I live in them. If I could wear them to work I would LOL.
I have 5 pairs now - black, yellow, white with the Brazilian flag on the strap, turquoise and pink. I'm thinking I'll get another pair, maybe in brown.
I feel so sorry for this woman.
Imagine having Anna "Nuclear" Wintour as your mother-in-law!
At first it'd be great, imagine all the cool clothes, shoes and connections the editor of US Vogue could provide. (The bride wore an Alberta Ferretti dress after Ms Wintour took her to Milan Fashion week to chose a wedding dress).
But then imagine the shit you'd have to go through to sustain the relationship (remember now folks, ol' Nuclear Wintour hates fat people, so don't you dare pile on the pounds and go up to a size 2!).
Poor girl.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I can't believe I've been blithering on this blog for months and have not mentioned sex once. How remiss of me! (And how sad that I am not living up to my "Tart" moniker).
A group of us went to a free outdoor concert last night. It was in the Botanical Gardens and was a great night especially with some nice food and wine to go along with it. We managed to get a good possie on the lawn and settled in with our wine. A young couple, probably early to mid twenties were seated in front of us.
Throughout the course of the evening (about 2.5 hours), this couple didn't stop touching, kissing or petting each other. It got to a point where our smirks and snide whispers turned into quite loud comments. I mean people. Get. A. Room! Towards the end, they were so engrossed in each other that I honestly thought I was going to witness porn on the lawn! (Insert chiccy waa waa music here).
The youth of today, I tell you, no decorum! (And it is official. I have turned into an 80 year old nana).
Over the holidays, the BF has grown a goatie. It started out quite sexy and stubbly, but now has turned into what I can only term as facial fungus.
I thought that once the holidays were over and he was back at work, that fugly goatie would go, but no. He's kept it. Ugh. I've begged, I've nagged, I've bitched, I've threatened that I'll stop shaving my armpits, but he has refused to shave it off.
I think I'll have to withhold sex, but that has to be the last resort LOL. Maybe I'll get out my nail scissors and wait till he's asleep and then do a bit of creative cutting.
Speaking of creative cutting, what is the deal with all this lack of pubic hair business. I think there's a generation of young people out there, who -- thanks to the internet, porn and fashion magazines -- think that it's normal to have all the hair ripped out. According to my beauty therapist, she's doing more Brazillian and Hollywood waxes than ever before. I've had a Brazillian wax once before and although I can see some benefits (oral sex was better), the general upkeep (and not to mention having wax up my butt) is too much for a lazy tart like me.
A group of us went to a free outdoor concert last night. It was in the Botanical Gardens and was a great night especially with some nice food and wine to go along with it. We managed to get a good possie on the lawn and settled in with our wine. A young couple, probably early to mid twenties were seated in front of us.
Throughout the course of the evening (about 2.5 hours), this couple didn't stop touching, kissing or petting each other. It got to a point where our smirks and snide whispers turned into quite loud comments. I mean people. Get. A. Room! Towards the end, they were so engrossed in each other that I honestly thought I was going to witness porn on the lawn! (Insert chiccy waa waa music here).
The youth of today, I tell you, no decorum! (And it is official. I have turned into an 80 year old nana).
Over the holidays, the BF has grown a goatie. It started out quite sexy and stubbly, but now has turned into what I can only term as facial fungus.
I thought that once the holidays were over and he was back at work, that fugly goatie would go, but no. He's kept it. Ugh. I've begged, I've nagged, I've bitched, I've threatened that I'll stop shaving my armpits, but he has refused to shave it off.
I think I'll have to withhold sex, but that has to be the last resort LOL. Maybe I'll get out my nail scissors and wait till he's asleep and then do a bit of creative cutting.
Speaking of creative cutting, what is the deal with all this lack of pubic hair business. I think there's a generation of young people out there, who -- thanks to the internet, porn and fashion magazines -- think that it's normal to have all the hair ripped out. According to my beauty therapist, she's doing more Brazillian and Hollywood waxes than ever before. I've had a Brazillian wax once before and although I can see some benefits (oral sex was better), the general upkeep (and not to mention having wax up my butt) is too much for a lazy tart like me.
As I've mentioned before, my boyfriend is a real outdoors guy. He surfs, kayaks, scuba dives. If it's on, in or under the water, he's into it. Every so often, he'll watch a DVD about his favourite sports, in particular surfing or kayaking (which I refer to as "Kayak Porn" as he pants and groans over it LOL).
The other day I was watching a surfing doco with him, that featured Andy Irons.
Whoa. I think I'll have to take more of an interest in this now LOL. Though I don't think the BF appreciated my mmms and aahhs.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Well, that's one holiday over and done with.
All my careful plans disintegrated the minute we left the city. So, no, I didn't visit the boyfriends parents (my bad) and no, we didn't get to Byron Bay either (bummer).
So what exactly did I do these past 17 days?
All my careful plans disintegrated the minute we left the city. So, no, I didn't visit the boyfriends parents (my bad) and no, we didn't get to Byron Bay either (bummer).
So what exactly did I do these past 17 days?
- Read 3 months of Woman's Day magazine back copies
- Ate 22 chocolate mint truffles (hand made by moi)
- Drank 2 bottles of vodka, 3 bottles of Jacob's Creek Sparkling Rose, 4 bottles of Lindauer, 6 bottles of Crown Lager, 3 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc and a litre of Diet Sprite (not all at once mind you, I'd be dead if I had LOL)
- Finished an entire book of Sudoku puzzles
- Didn't use a hairdryer or wear makeup (except for Christmas Day and New Year's Eve)
- Went surfing and only wiped out 8 out of every 10 times
- Ate every meal outside
- Took my 15-month old nephew for a walk to town and went shoe shopping. I think I have converted the youngest person I know to the wonder that is new shoes!
- Listened to the same CD continuously for 9 days and wasn't sick of it (Fat Freddy's Drop, Based on a True Story)
- Went swimming at three beaches, a river and two lakes
- Saw three movies, (good, passable, dire) and four DVDs (drivel, boring, pointless, hilarious)
- Went to the local farmers market and spent $55 on cheese, cake and olives
- Laughed until tears were running down my face
- Watched old home movies from when I was a kid (I was chubby and clumsy and seemed to like to do gymnastics and/or star jumps a lot LOL)
And a whole lot of other stuff.
Now it's back to work, which I am actually looking forward too. Probably due to the fact that my boss emailed me saying I still have 14 days annual leave owing and perhaps I'd like to take more time off soon?
Byron Bay, here we come.